It is always amazing to me, when you stop and look back on your life how you have changed or grown in some way or another.
As we are quickly approaching August, I remember 1 year ago when I had a miscarriage.....I thought my world was ending, the thought of losing a life was devastating to me. I blamed myself in every way possible....I thought my trip to New York was the problem....then I thought, I wasn't eating properly, then I thought that my body just rejects a new life growing inside.
My life was many shades of gray for months....I finally went to my church to ask for prayer and guidance. I spoke with the pastor who married R. and I and he was very insightful. He shed a new light on me....he said that God provides for you life in ways unexpected. God wanted you to be a mom...therefore he granted you the chance the get pg. God also wanted that baby to be with him. That baby was not ready for life on earth, and needed to stay in his house, happy and eternally young. You will always have an angel to watch over you, and keep you safe. God will not provide you with anything that you can not handle...and that baby he knew was not going to do well in the human world.
It took some pondering on his words, and then it began to give me comfort, knowing that there is an angel looking over me, and when my time is done on this great earth, my angel will be waiting for me with his arms wide open.
As I continue to look at my experiences and thoughts, I realize that as traumatic and awful of an experience the miscarriage was, I learned a lot about myself, and I was able to grow a stronger relationship with my husband. I realized that had I not experienced that, I would not have realized that I am emotionally strong, and able to share my story with others.
I have a built confidence that no matter what life brings my way, I will be able to work through it.
A few years ago....I don't think I could have, but now I know I can. I can thank those close to me for all the support and love that they shared with me....but most of all I thank myself, for opening my eyes and looking inside to see what matters to me, for realizing that I matter and make differences in my life through everything I do.
3 comments:
As hard as it is to say, it's comforting knowing we have angels in heaven. And we are tough cookies for going through what we did. I'm glad your reflection has left you with a better understanding, though nobody can be expected to fully understand a miscarriage. Super-big virtual hugs!!
really enjoyed your post. it is amazing the self-discovery that comes in working through and overcoming personal tragedy. i hope you have a great weekend!
that means a lot what you said. it goes to show you that m/c still affects us even with a healthy pg underway. thanks for being a support. your words helped me realize one day it'll be my turn!
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